the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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