I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
