I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
