if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
