I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
