stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
