Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
