you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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