remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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