i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
