I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
