I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
