Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
