you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So much Jack, so little girl.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
