I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
