I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
