just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize