Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
