Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
