What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
