PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
pop tarts are not kleenex
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
