I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
