i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
