how can u be prego again
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
