I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
