I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
