I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
