And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize