hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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