I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
