Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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