I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
