Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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