i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
