If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
