then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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