Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
