I'm really into asian looking animals
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
