allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
