Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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