we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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