i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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