We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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