Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize