Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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