I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
