dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize