My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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