can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
