I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
