Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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