She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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