If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
