so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
smell my finger.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
