She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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