6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
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