But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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