I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
