I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
