If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Life is so much better after having sex.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Randomize