Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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