You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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