Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
