I seem to have left my pride at pride
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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