Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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