so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
