His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
