Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you inspire me to be a worse person
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
