my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
