I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
