fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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