The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
