oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
