Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
