Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
