you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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