Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
is wine microwaveable?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize