yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I said "one day" and that day is not today
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
