At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
