Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
