sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
