I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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