1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize