are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
