Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
ok first of all what the fuck
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
