...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize