I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
