dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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