I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
