the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
