Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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