I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
