I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize